dissimulative | irl meetups & phone

[ Oria smiles and nuzzles a little into Sinclair's hand. ]

It felt good... a little too good.

[ He laughs a little, out of slight shyness. ]

Oh...

[He had wanted that--but he also hadn't intended that either. He feels dizzy. So he scoots a little closer, to bump their foreheads together, still cupping Oria's cheek. He's more than a little overwhelmed now. And embarrassed]

...for me too.

Hehe... you're so warm, Emil. My heart was beating so fast.

[ He usually wouldn't admit that, but here he is. ]

[How is it that Oria's honesty sends his heart racing all over again. He nods little, their noses practically touching. He presses a hand to Oria's chest just to feel In a soft voice that he's not sure he wants Oria to hear just yet]

Mm...that's how I feel with you all the time.

[is it too much? But he's always warm with Oria. And his heart is almost always racing with him]

I'm happy to hear that you feel that way with me, but give your heart a little break, would you?

[ He lightly bumps their noses together in the form of an eskimo kiss. Though the hand at his chest will feel Oria's heart beating just as fast. ]

[That gets him to grin a little and laugh softly, eyes sliding shut for a moment. He can calm his heart. Sometimes]

Mmm...I can try.

[It's easier when he knows Oria is feeling the same way]

It's nice, seeing you so happy... with me.

[ It feels like he's enough, even if he hasn't told Sinclair everything about himself. Sinclair is full of sincerity that is a lot more straightforward than his own, and it looks like he needed that. ]

Remember when I said my type was someone who can keep up with me?

[ He quietly sighs, smiling as he closes his eyes. ]

I haven't had to make an exception for you. You can absolutely keep up with me.

[How does Oria do that? How does he see into Sinclair's heart all the time, and work out the little knots of anxieties and worries Sinclair could never voice himself? He keeps his eyes closed because he's not going to tear up again. Sorry Oria, it looked like his heart wasn't going to stop racing any time soon.]

You're--[everything that Sinclair has liked in a person, so much, he hardly has time to work through it. Everything he feels now.] I like everything about you. I'm lucky to have met you.

[Brought together, on the whims of the universe and a lottery]

[ Oria thinks he's good at reading people, and thinking back on Sinclair's question with the situation at the time makes sense for him to want to fit into the mold.

But. ]

You're the first one around my age who could see through me.

[He opens his eyes to study Oria's expression, rubbing his thumb across the line of Oria's cheek. Soft. Warm. How could anyone not see what Oria was doing?]

Maybe. [A very soft exhale, as he trails his fingers back down over Oria's jaw, featherlight] Mm. I feel like a part of you must have wanted that though.

[He thinks back to that day in the hall of mirrors.

Someone should have. He means that in more ways than one now]

You deserve more than rumors and expectations.

Thanks, Emil.

[ He really means it, because— ]

For all the confidence and ego that I give off, I can actually get insecure too... Surprising, right?

[This time, Sinclair has to think. Maybe once it would have surprised Sinclair, but since their fight in the arena, when Oria had let his worries out...

He sees it clearer than ever.]

Mmm...yes, but also no. You're true to yourself more than anyone else I know...but you're still human. Everyone has their insecurities. Worries.

[Ah]

...that's why I want to be someone you can lean on too. No matter what.

[ Sinclair is so sweet and it really wants Oria to be able to tell him. He thinks that there's a high chance that Sinclair would accept him, but it's been the focus and the insecurity--the foundation of his entire life--despite him wanting to take it to the grave. No thanks to Fragment, several others know too, but he thinks...

It should be okay if it's Sinclair, right?

For him to divulge something he vowed to tell no one else--

... ]

Emil, you know... When I start university, I'll get extremely really busy from classes and a bunch of other stuff. I have a lot of free time now, but I'll be starting classes in the spring. That's to say, I'll understand if it'll be too hard on you once that happens.

[ He tightens his hold on Sinclair's hand. ]

So that's why, for the time being... I want both of us to have a good time.

[...

There's something Oria is holding back. Sinclair studies Oria with his watchful gaze for a moment, and then reaches up to tap Oria against the lips. A mirror from before]

...Mm. Me too. [He smiles, and squeezes Oria's hand in turn. There are things in both their lives they can't avoid forever. Maybe their paths would diverge later, draw them apart as much as it had drawn them together now, but he feels like he should say this anyway:]

But you know...if there's something you don't know how to tell me yet, I can wait. For as long as you need me to.

Edited 2023-09-02 13:42 (UTC)

[ They've only gotten to know each other since a month ago even if they met at a business party several times before. For Oria, his feelings are resolute, regardless of how much time had passed. Sinclair was right in that Oria stays true to his feelings if they involve love. His love for his ex was so intense, yet their relationship only lasted a mere several months. People would have thought they were in love for years with how intense his emotions were. Yet for him to start dating Sinclair not even a year later, things can always change at the drop of a hat, but not his feelings. The fact that he loved his ex and the fact that he also loves Sinclair in this moment are two statements that can coexist. Sinclair has helped him accept things that were difficult to do on his own. He's deeply grateful. Even if Sinclair didn't like him romantically, Oria would have been fine with that.

He thinks he now understands what Tylor means by wanting someone to be happy, even if they don't return your feelings. It's been that way with his first love too, but now that he's matured, he gets it.

But most of all, the fact that Sinclair is willing to wait for him instead of trying to drag the truth out of him is just... something that Oria didn't know that he needed to hear. If he had tears left to cry, they would spill in this exact moment. Instead, when he lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, it feels like it's shuddering, as if expelling the anxiety he feels about this entire thing.

He gives a short kiss on the fingers that tapped his lips. ]

I'll never forget that as long as I live.

I love you.

[ Oria had said Sinclair was the type to go "all in."

He wasn't wrong. He had fallen in love twice in his life. He hadn't really recognised it the first time; Demian had been a blazing comet, a moment gone before Sinclair could come to terms with anything .

Oria is a bright star in the dark, one Sinclair couldn't help but be drawn towards. He's older now, steadier in other ways. He's looked at himself in the dark and has come out knowing, if nothing else, this one constant:]

Then don't forget this either - I love you too.

[And he leans in to kiss Oria again, eyes shut to hide the tears in his eyes. For now, this was theirs.]

irl meetups & phone

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