dissimulative | irl meetups & phone

I don't know...

[He's so lethargic right now. Calm. Eerily so]

'm sorry. Didn't mean to do that to you. [A pause] Is it all over the internet again? It was last time...

No.

[ Oria says firmly. He's using a combination of copyright laws, privacy laws, internet domain shutdowns, and just flat out libel suing to his advantage to take them all down. Get DMCA'd at the very least-- ]

I made sure of it.

Oh...

[It's not a surprise if he really thinks about it. Oria did have that power. It's just that last time, he had been alone. This time, he's not so alone. It makes his throat tight and he sniffles]

Thank you. I don't think--again...

... I know.

[ If Oria was there with Sinclair, he'd hold his hand--squeeze it to tell him that he'd be by his side to help him. But he's not now. This is all he can do. ]

I won't let that happen.

Mmm.

[Sinclair makes a noise of understanding. There's silence on his end for a moment, another sob, a ragged breath]

It was her...it was definitely her.

Did she leave any traces?

[ He's trying to go about this as logically as possible, but he really wants to hug Sinclair.

But also, try to defuse and separate the association that "anything bad happens to family = Kromer". ]

[There's a moment of silence as Sinclair tries to recall what he had seen. The graves, destroyed. The caskets--but Rodya was strong enough to hold him back. And when the police came, well--that's when everything got worse]

No one let me get close. [Tired, mumbling, shuffling through the haze of the sedatives]

She was laughing when I saw her.

[ She was there...? The absolute audacity. Oria's fingers curl into a fist, his nails digging into his own skin, but then relaxes his hand.

... ]

That bitch.

[ He growls it out through his teeth. His voice is quiet, low, and frankly, murderous. ]

[ It was something Sinclair had been thinking. He might have been shouting it, earlier

Sinclair's quiet for a moment, thinking. She had been there, passing through as a crowd gathered .]

...I still want to kill her after all.

[ Ah.

Oria regrets saying that out loud immediately. ]

... I know. That sort of desire never fades.

[ But it's ultimately up to Sinclair what he does with it, and Oria feels like he's lost. ]

[ Sinclair closes his eyes, and is quiet for a longer moment. The sedatives do their job with keeping his heart rate down at least. Anger seems very distant. But hatred? That was close at hand.

He doesn't ask the question he wants to ask. It was his choice in the end. And if he said it aloud, that would be a burden on everyone else]

...I'm sorry. I know you wanted me to forget.

You can't really forget something that's so ingrained into you. I get it.

[ Not of the vengeance level, but of something that's become such a part of you. Oria understands. After all, he's like that too. It may not be about murder on his mind, but it sure is something. ]

[Even now, Oria was being understanding. Sinclair blinks, struggling to stay awake]

Mm...it feels like, I'm not allowed to let go either...

How come?

[ He wants to understand. Moreover, he wants Sinclair to understand his own needs, and perhaps saying it out loud will help him reach that understanding. ]

Because it feels like every time I try to move forward, something happens to drag me right back.

[He's exhausted. But he can talk like this, to Oria who understands, and isn't trying to tell him he's wrong]

She wont let me go. She was like that back in school too, I think...not with me, but...

[There were others, Sinclair recalls. There must have been]

She better let go now that I'm here.

[ Hands off his man?? Don't touch him!! ]

Emil, I'll be with you. You could be dragged back countless of times and I know it's tiring, but... I hope that with time, you'll get stronger—so strong that when she tries to drag you back again, you can stand your ground and kick her off.

[Sinclair lets out a shuddery noise, as he tries to hold back a fresh wave of tears. Things are different this time. He knows this.]

Yeah. [ But can he? He's not so sure right now ]

...it scares me, you know. What I know I could do if I had the chance...

[Maybe more than Kromer herself]

I know.

[ Oria can't see Sinclair holding himself back when he gets that one narrow chance to end it once and for all. ]

But whether that happens or not, just know... you can come back to me anytime.

[Oh.

He thinks there are so many wrong moves he can make right now.

Most of them will hurt. Maybe they'd hurt Oria more than himself. And he doesn't want that.]

Oria...

[Why is he still wavering? Why can't he make a decision and choose now?]

I love you, Emil.

[ His voice is gentle. ]

For serious relationships, I think it's okay to share the burden and help each other get through things. I'm sure you'd want the same for me.

[ Even through the haze of the medicine, the anger and fury, warmth blooms through him.]

...yeah. I would.

[ His words are slow, muffled. He might be falling asleep again]

Yeah... so... rest up and I'll see you in the game again, okay? I don't feel as sick anymore. And you better not either.

[ A threat!!! ]

Or I'm gonna embarrass you to high hell.

Mm...

[ Sleepy agreement]

Sounds scary. Okay. No more sickness...

Mm.

[ Oria quietly breathes out a sigh of relief. ]

Sleep well, Emil.

Okay... I'll see you later...

[ In-game, he means. He manages to hang up again before he drifts off to sleep]

irl meetups & phone

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